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home

speechless

“I'd like to talk to you about how
you disappear on a Thursday or Friday and don't come back till
Sunday. I'm not happy about you never seeing you on a weekend”
says crap dad gently as brat girl is packing her bag for the weekend.




“WHAT YOU ASKING ME FOR?” she
practically bellows.






“WHY ARE YOU HASSLING ME?” she
continues before he can respond.
..





“I CAME 'OME FOR A BIT LAST SATURDAY,
SO WHAT YOU COMPLAININ ABOUT?”
..





“D'YA EXPECT ME TO BE A LIITLE GIRL
AT 'OME ALL TIME?”
..

“IT'S MY LIFE”
..





“I CAN LOOK AFTER MISELF”
..





“IT'S NOWT TO DO WI' YOU”
..





“WHAT YA GUNNA DO WHEN I LEAVE 'OME?”
..



At this point evil stepmother
inadvisedly jokes “that's easy – dance for joy!”



Brat girl pounces “THERE YOU SEE!”
she roars as she flounces out of the room.


22.4.06 08:48


It aint what you do ...

“Do you want some crumpets?” asks
evil stepmother of the famished girl when she gets home from college.



“Ummm yes!” is the enthusiastic
response ... “but you 'ave to do 'em my special way...”



“first you have to toast 'em lightly
on the bottom – but not so they are crispy like you like em, then
you do the same on the top – so they just start toasting. Then you
put loads 'n loads of butta on 'em 'n then you put 'em back under
grill till they're nice an crispy on top” continues the girl
obliviously.



“Ok” sighs evil stepmother as she
turns to do exactly as she's told.


29.3.06 17:58


Sleeping Beauty

“I think I'd better take some TOIL
tomorrow” says crap dad “what with brat girl likely to be out all
day today and probably out tomorrow too. I don't want to miss the
delivery so I'd better stay at home.”



“Didn't she come home last night?”
asks evil stepmother, who was in bed by 10 the night before “Her
scarf was on the table this morning.”



“I don't know ... I followed you to
bed.”



The problem parents look at each other and then at brat girls door.



Evil stepmother gives a little sigh.
She slowly opens the door, making sure that it doesn't creak. The
bed is lumpy, but then it always is, so she eases herself into the
room until she spots the hair sticking out of the piled quilts. She
gives the thumbs up to crap dad and the door is slowly and quietly
closed.



The problem parents sigh with relief.
Waking brat girl on a college day is trial enough. Half term ... her
mornings in bed are sacrosanct.


23.2.06 08:20


Secret Stash ...

Text from brat girl -


Mom we needed sum milk n i found a 20
upstairs n got it outa dat. i got sum sweets aswel jus lettin u no.


10.2.06 18:23


An Artist's Palate




"Couldn't you have used something else?" asks crap dad.

"What yer stressin' about? It's only an Ikea plate" is brat girl's dismissive response.
30.1.06 18:06


Inherited Tax


The front door bangs open.



"Mom! I need some money. Can I ave
some money now, fo' taxi please?” calls brat girl as she arrives
home.



Evil stepmother sighs and passes brat
girl a ten pound note.



When brat girl comes back into the
house evil stepmother calls her into the room.



“Did you have to come home in a hurry
or in an emergency?” she asks brat girl.



“No. I were just at bobs.” replies
the girl.



“Why get a taxi that you can't pay
for then?” is the second question. “We told you that you must
come home if you are in trouble and that we would pay for the taxi.
This is the third Saturday in a row that I've paid for a taxi from
bobs. Don't let it happen again.”



Brat girl smiles sheepishly. “Ok
mom! D'ya wanna cuppa tea?”


28.1.06 20:20


Downwardly Mobile

Evil stepmother pays the phone bills,
and following the first bill after brat girl came to live with the
problem parents she registered with BT on line in order to keep track
of the teenagers usage. The last bill was in October and it came to
£95.95, £12 up on the previous one, which was up on the
one before that.



Yet again the problem parents had words
with brat girl about calling mobiles on the house phone.



The next phone bill is due on the 9th
January and it currently stands at £136.13. That is before any
charges or VAT have been added.



£121.90 of this is for 262 calls
to mobile phones. £52.73 on just 11 calls to bob, and most of
the rest are to brat girls friends.



So on her extra day off work evil
stepmother spends the best part of a morning trying to get more
information about call barring, rather than any of the half dozen
things she had hoped to do. She eventually establishes that BT do
not bar calls to mobiles on their own, but package them together with
national and international calls. Crap dad is not convinced that
this would work, as brat girl would almost certainly work out the pin
number to lift the bar, and besides .. it would be a burden to the
problem parents, having to 'administer' it.



So there's going to have to be some new
rules ...



  1. Brat girl is going to pay for the
    bill she has clocked up this quarter, and she will repay it within
    the next quarter.


  2. Brat girl will pay for her own
    calls in all future bills too.


  3. Brat girl will no longer take the
    telephone up to her bedroom, but will make all her calls downstairs.


  4. Calls from the house phone to
    mobile phones are absolutely banned, except to brat girls birth
    mother.



If any of the rules are broken then the
problem parents will get BT's call barring service, brat girl will
then have to suffer the ignominy of having to ask permission to use
the phone every time she wants to speak to a friend.





* crap dad is already practising saying
“No”.


3.1.06 19:57


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